Choose Courage

Hello, friends.

There has been a shift. Ever since I made the decision to quit my job, my office has actually become worse. Or maybe it's the exact same as it's been every day for the past 15 months. Maybe I tolerated it more for the past 15 months because there was no end in sight. I was trying to teach myself to surrender and suck it up and be an adult.

But now that I know that I'm leaving, it's almost unbearable. I have even more stress during the day. I get headaches and heartburn daily. I literally feel the stress in my legs (that's code red for me, by the way...when I can feel it in my legs, I know I'm about to pop).

The problem is, I don't know how to quit. No, that's not true. The truth is, I'm afraid of quitting.

I'm afraid that my tense workplace will only become more tense when I reveal that I'm leaving. I'm afraid that my overworked and angry colleagues will only become more angry and overworked without me. I'm afraid of the guilt. I'm afraid of hurting people's feelings (even though no one in the office has ever been afraid of hurting my feelings). I am so afraid. I'm overwhelmed with fear. The only reason I'm still in this job is because I'm paralyzed with fear.

So I must choose courage.

"You can choose courage, or you can choose comfort. But you cannot have both." - Brené Brown

I was surfing Oprah.com this evening. I just needed a hit of inspiration. When I'm scared and sad, I often turn to Oprah for help. And I came across this video featuring Brené Brown (you will need Flash to watch this, so watch it on your laptop, because you can't see it on your phone).

This was exactly what I needed to hear tonight. I love this so much! She is so right! I can choose courage, or I can choose comfort, but I cannot have both. It WILL take courage to quit my job. It will be awkward and awful during those last two weeks. I may get scolded or just subtly mentally abused. Who knows?

And after two weeks, it will ALL BE OVER. I will NEVER have to go back to that office EVER AGAIN. Then I can start my magical month of peace, meditation, writing, and health. It will be such an exquisite month. 

But it's going to take courage to get there. I just have to pick a date (a Friday, definitely a Friday) and email my letter of resignation to my (many) bosses. I will give them two weeks' notice. I will tell them I've been offered another job, and that the new employer made me an offer I couldn't refuse. I won't tell them I'm leaving because I can't stand to be around angry bullies for another second. No, I don't need to make those two weeks any harder than they need to be. I will keep the letter short and sweet.

Then, after I am gone, I will write a letter to my boss (let's call him Boss #1) and tell him about the bullying and other general nastiness that goes on in his office. He's a nice guy, and I want him to have a great administrative assistant. But he will keep losing assistants unless there is a major change in that office. And I want him to know this.

Yeah, I can't wait around for a comfortable moment to quit. There will never be a comfortable moment. So I will choose courage instead.

I shall end with another picture of me in my beloved London. This is me being courageous and taking the newly-opened Emirates Air Line over the Thames River, in June 2012. I was brave once before, I can be brave again.

 

Night-night, dear friends.

Leila

P.S. Be sure to watch all 10 episodes of "The Sherman House Webisodes" online (for free!) at www.shwebisodes.com!